Acceptance.

I have been spending some bits of time here and there in my ‘studio’ (our very small storage space/closet since our baby came along!) and my work has been going in a very specific direction and I have been loving every second. I am exploring the concepts of hope and the ideas of ‘radical acceptance’ which are things that I am exploring myself with my own inner work, alongside my therapist.

Art influences life, life influences art.

My work has always surrounded things that I am exploring within myself - my experiences, my inner thoughts or my memories of what has happened and making sense of those. But I have recognised within my work that at times, I have made my work more pallateable for other people - prettier, more put together somehow. I never shy away from serious topics, nor do I shy away from positive things either. But, I do recognise within myself the need to please other people and unfortunately (and I recognise it is a common theme for artists) I have allowed this to seep into my work.

I do like to make things make sense for other people. I want people to understand me, I wish to be relatable, to make others feel comfortable. I think this has been the same for my art in some ways. Making the work ‘make sense’ in order for people to understand.

But what I am beginning to see and feel within my life, and now my art, is I do not always have to make things make sense to other people. I cannot always explain away who I am and what my intentions are. I cannot always make other people feel comfortable. I cannot always make myself be more ‘readable’ to the viewer because in doing so, I am ultimately ‘editing’ myself and my work more and more.

What I have always wanted for my work is for it to be me. For people to know it is me and to be unapologetic in who I am in my work. Because in my studio, it’s the place I can truly be myself. I want the physical products to be a representation of that too. So I have made a commitment to myself that as I explore this concept of acceptance within my day to day life, I will do the same in my work.

So my work is becoming more energetic, more ‘free’. I still edit and allow myself to edit, but I am being very conscious about why I am editing. Is it because it makes more sense compositionally? Or am I doing it so that when my family look at my work, they will give me a big thumbs up and all the praise in the world that I sometimes am so eager to receive?

At the moment, I am truly looking at what radical acceptance means for me. This concept is very difficult for me, because I am one to analyse my thoughts, feelings, behaviours on a very regular basis and wish to change myself to ensure others around me are most comfortable. I am learning that who I am is enough and will always be enough. I am me. End of sentence and story.

So I ask myself - how can I show up for myself and accept every part of who I am? What does this mean on a practical basis? Where is the easiest part of my life that I can begin to say ‘you are where you are, and that is ok’?

And here comes this new sense of energy and rawness to my work and I am accepting it. I am pushing it to its limits and I am exploring new mark making that makes sense to me and makes me excited. Shapes and marks that I have been doing for years that I have continuously covered up to ‘make it make sense’ to others. Well, it and I are showing up now. If there is now something I want to explore, I am going to explore it. If my path seems messy…well it is, because I am, and that is ok!

I am honouring the parts of myself that are sometimes in quotation marks: ‘too’ messy, ‘too’ explosive, ‘too’ loud. Honouring the parts that likes the quiet, or deep conversation or to be alone. Honouring the parts of me that are not fully developed yet.

Because they are all of me.

My work has never been so exciting and I hope you enjoy the new pieces as much as I am.